Today’s question comes from a Reddit member of /r/socialskills:
How do i be more fun to be with in terms of to talk to, i feel out that I run out of things to say quite regularly, which affects my enjoyment and the others’ enjoyment too, and also how to talk about more interesting/fun stuff more regularly Also how do I deepen friendships, this also ties along with being enjoyable to be with. I read your article on finding new hobbies, but the thing is that I am not going to be talking hobbies all the time, as in I want to be more well rounded. Also what traits are in likeable people, what does it take to have an attractive personality? thanks for reading and your time 🙂
First off, if you haven’t already – check out my post How To Be Less Socially Awkward, Get Self Confidence, and Make New Friends. As I’m writing this answer it already has over 2,000 views. So it must be pretty good 😜
After you’ve read through and applied that knowledge come back to this post for some more good stuff.
Stop Running Out of Things to Say
Alright, so you’re having a conversation or just hanging out with people – and suddenly – you draw a blank.
You don’t know where to go from here…everything was running smoothly and now you’re stuck. You start to feel your heart race, a bead of sweat forms on the top of your head. Weird, paranoid thoughts start to pop up in your head:
“Did I just kill this conversation?”
“God, why am I so weird?”
“Does anybody REALLY like me!?”
STAHP. Seriously, solving this one issue will improve your conversations so dramatically you won’t believe the results once you’ve got it down.
This is PewDiePie. Watch a bit of this video (or all of it for a good laugh or two).
What you see here is a weird, awkward, and very often annoying human being. BUT he is adored / envied by millions. Now, I’m not saying that PewDiePie never runs out of things to say, never feels anti-social, or even that he is a shining example of social skills.
He is, however, a shining example of self-confidence and being present.
A lot of what PewDiePie says is utter nonsense. That doesn’t stop him, that doesn’t make people hate him (well, it makes a few people hate him) , it doesn’t make him feel like a weird loser.
PewDiePie says what he wants to say, he puts it out there, and if people don’t like it – who cares? Because there’s a thousand people who like him for everyone that dislikes him.
We can learn a thing or two from PewDiePie.
See, PewDiePie is silly, he says nonsense words, talks about things that are completely goofy, does weird stuff. That turns a few people off. But it also makes him endearing to lots of others. He is confident in who he is, he isn’t afraid to be himself. He acts the way he feels.
If people don’t accept that, its okay. If they do, great! Because of this kind of attitude he attracts people who enjoy his company.
A big part of being self-confident is knowing who are and being okay to share that with other people. If you try to please everyone, you’ll only end up with shallow meaningless relationships. Or worse, deep relationships with people you don’t care for. In order for people to like you, you have to show them the real you.
That doesn’t mean people need to know your innermost secrets and it doesn’t give you a reason to be a jerk. You have to balance how familiar you are with people with showing them who you really are. The best way to handle this is to do it one step at a time.
Take More Chances
Unless you’re a turnip you have a million thoughts running through your head at any given time. The trouble here is that most of these thoughts never make it past your lips. The reason why is that you’re afraid of saying something that sounds dumb or makes someone else dislike you.
Not everything you say has to be conversational gold. Not every joke you tell will be funny. Not every opinion you share will be well-received. But if you don’t take a chance and let some of these thoughts out – you’ll never know. So…let them out!
When you first start doing this – its going to be awkward. You’re not used to speaking your mind. You’ll say things you normally wouldn’t say, and because of that – a lot of what you put out there is going to fall flat.
The benefit of this is that you sharpen your sense of what works in conversation and what doesn’t. By giving these random thoughts a chance by sharing them you get first-hand experience of what kind of things make other people laugh, what makes them smile, what they enjoy talking about. The response you receive helps you to grow your conversational skills and to connect more deeply with others.
Be More Fun by Being Present in the Moment
Talking to someone like that is painful – because its BORING.
No matter what you say to them, there is no feedback. There’s no back-and-forth. It’s a one way street with a dead end.
People sometimes do this without realizing it – not because they don’t want to be part of the conversation – but because they have something on their mind. They might be nervous around people, they might have something they need to go do. They might not even be aware of their own behavior.
Sound like someone you know? Someone you know very personally?
If this is how you act in social situations you are being boring. Tough, but true.
Instead of sitting in your head thinking, you need to get your head in the game! Be focused on what other people are saying and doing. Really listen to the words and search them for deeper meaning. Be observant. Use your body language to show other people that they have your full attention. Respond to others with only brief pauses for thought. This is an unconscious signal that you are being honest and open with them.
Excitement and fun are contagious. When you start to get more involved in the conversation, it adds an extra layer of depth to it. This makes the conversation interesting, as it becomes more interesting more people will want to join in so they can have fun too.
Be More Interesting
This last tip isn’t directly to PewDiePie, but it helps a lot. To be more interesting you need two things.
Be Genuinely Interested in Others
Someone who talks only about themselves, or their own interests is just another loud-mouth. Telling your own tales is good – to a point. See, other people care mostly about themselves. Their world. Their problems. They don’t care about you right off the bat. Not because they are jerks – but because you’re not part of their world.
Make yourself part of their world. Listen to what they have to say. Let them have the spotlight, ask them questions – and show your interest in their life.
Don’t do this just because it will help you make friends. Do it because its fun. Do it because you will learn a lot. Do it because you actually care about other people and want to get more involved in their life.
If you do this as a ‘social hack’, eventually people will see right through your bullshit, and the only friends you have will be other ‘users’ like you.
Expand Your Interests
I won’t say too much about this here since I already wrote a full article on it. But you need to have a wider range of interests. The more you know about a bunch of things, the more opportunity you have to connect with others. So get out of the house and do something! Read a book. Go take a class.
The richness of your conversations and stories are directly linked to the richness of your life experience. No easy tricks here, go out and get some.
I hope this article helped you! If it did please spread the word and share it on some kind of social media, or post a link on your own blog. The more traffic this blog receives the more time I can justify working on it and creating new content for you.